№9: Relational Critters, Sensory Beings, Webs of Belonging

We are relational critters, sensory beings… no matter how much we individualize by living in our heads.

I’ve come to understand I have a somewhat erotic relationship to my homes. When possible, I’ve created spaces that I feel safe to soften in and blend. This creative process of cultivating vibrant spaces of belonging between myself and other (environments, people, objects) is ever evolving…

When I shift into a state of a quiet mind, clear my emotional body, and intentionally soften my boundaries, my sensual relationship to my environment intensifies and I can play with receiving, blending, sourcing and transmuting energy within that connection.

“The mystics never preach a denial of the senses, rather they speak of the transfiguration of the senses. They recognize that there is a certain gravity or darkness in Eros that can sometimes predominate. The light of the soul can transfigure this tendency and bring balance and poise. The beauty of such mystical reflection on Eros reminds us that Eros is ultimately the energy of divine creativity… The beauty of Eros is its passionate thresholds where light and darkness meet within the person.” - John O'Donohue

Intimate relational spaces mirror our internal worlds. Whether that be an environment you create or a third world with another person. If you’ve paid attention to this you’ve noticed when you adjust your internal perspective the external shifts and vice versa. These micro “worlds,” spaces of connection, “kisses” as Carlo Rovelli calls them, are sexual in nature birthing moments that shape our collective reality.

Cultivating or tending to a desire to experience extended presence and pleasure with beauty in your environment has a transmutative effect on the energy within you, outside of you and the world at large.

“Our house is our corner of the world. As has often been said, it is our first universe, a real cosmos in every sense of the word.” – Gaston Bachelard

Learn how to light up your corner of the world. Own the webs you are weaving, the shapes they animate, the versions of you they hold.

№8: Home = a relational space seeded in the heart

Home is where the heart is. 

I feel a truth and beauty to this adage whenever I hear it. 

And also … what do we mean when we say this?  

I think one understanding is that home is not externally reverent. Meaning no matter where you are, if you can stay internally oriented in your heart, in love, which is also an energetic space in your body (your chest, your heartspace)… then you are “home.”  

But it doesn’t stop there really. In deeper reflection it suggests that while home is internally reverent it is not solely an internal space but a space that emerges somewhere in the relationship between one’s heart and the external... along the same lines of “I feel at home with this person.” Meaning I feel safe to be in my heart, to be vulnerable and authentic in connection to them. Staying in the mind is a hypervigilant trauma response (even if it’s just low key trauma). Similar to interpersonal relationships, in a home environment your body is in relationship to the environment and if it feels “unsafe” for any reason it will keep you in a hypervigilant headspace vs embodied heartspace. 

Relationship and intimacy with an abode is very much like relationship and intimacy with a person. And as we work on our self awareness and relationships consciously, we come to realize vibrant relational spaces require us to engage in the journey of knowing ourselves, owning our uniqueness, needs, desires etc. And yes meeting new friends, partners, and home spaces is sometimes destined and sometimes by chance, perhaps. But also, the more you engage in self inquiry, the more you notice: the “right” person comes at the right time. As one friend falls away, that perfect new friend that mirrors and holds a new expression of yourself just seems to show up in your life exactly when you need her. It’s not by chance though. It is directly correlated to the work you’ve done to stand in yourself more fully.

Moving homes can be similar. An abode feels more like home when your senses are satiated, needs are met, and the fullness of you (at present) is seen and mirrored. You feel “safe” to come down from your head and relax into your soft body, into your heart. And when something external (or internal) pushes you to move homes there is likely a deeper reason at play. One house falls away because you are ready to find home in relationship to a new “house” that is waiting to meet you. And by the way this dwelling has what I like to call a "spatial consciousness" that also evolves, ideally shines, in relationship with you. 

So home may be where the heart is, but do you know what environments allow you to soften into your heart? 

№7: The Innate Ritual of Beauty

"When repeated, a ritual has more physical and energetic structure, more power to assist the movement and transformation of energy." -Tami Lynn Kent

There’s a tiny voice in me that categorizes beauty as superfluous. “I don’t need it,” it says. “It's expensive, it's extra, it’s a reward to be savored on occasion…” Where this voice comes from? I’m not sure entirely. In this moment, I sense it is a societal voice I internalize because it triggers a rebellious defense that burns bright from my core truth. A voice of opposition that pokes and provokes me to speak and create. Maybe it's my Venus in Aries but I, for better or worse, thrive in contradiction.

What I know in my bones is that beauty has the power to bring us into presence. When I surrender to beauty, even for a second, my body softens, my heart swells, my energy shifts, and that spills out into my environment and to any being next to me. In presence, my mind rests and I can hear the whispers of my heart’s knowingness.  

My internalized “beauty as superfluous” voice is also protection from the ways our western culture (now global culture really) has abused beauty to manipulate our attention. And in a way the rejection of beauty has honed my reverence for it. I can’t be manipulated by it’s shine because I don’t need it, if its attached to toxicity. I can source inner beauty, if it comes to it. And that in itself is a sort of power.

But I digress.

Because I’m writing this letter to invite you to add more beauty to your home… (especially in your entryway) knowing there is an innate ritual to it, if you allow. Whenever you walk through or view beauty in your home, simply perceiving it and allowing its magic to influence you, even for a moment, energizes and clears your space. And the repetition of this daily exchange becomes an effortless ritual that strengthens this vibrancy. This is protection, this is rejuvenation, this is sustenance.

In an era of bio-hacking for those who identify strongly with the super-ego, my fellow sensitive siblings attuned to the whispers of the heart know the creative power of a soft ritual.