№15: the year 2016
I don't really know why exactly reflecting on the year 2016 is trending on instagram. I've read different things: one that resonated spoke to it being the last year that people could "pretend" that the illusion of structures we called reality were held together with integrity. It was a 9 year (2+1+6) and an end to a cycle. And in came 2017-2025 a cycle of cracks and chaos, internally shaking up our nervous systems, personal and collective foundations: what is real? Trickster vibes, inviting us into deeper trust of our internal compass and truth as well as our own creative capacity and responsibility…a hint of recognizing and remembering something around how we are all individually and collectively creating our reality.
Anyhow, I followed the trend and looked back to my year 2016. And it was interesting to reflect on what I was shown that year. I was in the middle of a few years of traveling internationally with clients as a spiritual advisor (different title but similar to work I do now: home, body, counseling) who were prominent political figures, “royalty” in Asia and also amongst the wealthiest people in the world. I signed some intimidating non-disclosure forms, so I don't speak much publicly about this time. But the insights I received were profound and have guided me through this past decade... and have set the foundations for the work that is unfolding.
Many people have since asked me in disbelief "why on earth did they ‘choose’ you?” Well, I wasn’t “chosen” lol. We vetted each other, negotiated the exchange and agreed to work together, and we continued to agree again and again for years. I never questioned it because I had an internal yes, but the question is understandable: I’m from a different culture, different language. In fact, I was often working through a translator where words were not effective and I relied on (and honed) my ability to communicate energetically.
There was a karmic element at play, but what I gathered from many of the clients was that I understood the landscape they were experiencing, and so I was able to effectively support in a way that others had not been able to.
In that realm of existence, for lack of better phrasing, there is a lawlessness. Borders, boundaries, and limits don't exist in the same way the majority of humans experience. In many ways that level of wealth and influence situated them outside of subscription to many societal realms ... they were creating laws moment to moment (or laws were created in response to their actions). There's a chaos in that sphere that allowed for wider realms of possibility. And by no means was this "freedom" necessarily free, safe, fun or joyful. Which points to something really interesting about the nature of freedom, creativity and reality mirroring the creative lenses of our own baggage… One of my clients was kidnapped and imprisoned while I was working with their partner (in hiding). Another was collapsing under the weight of the influence they carried as they were unconsciously accepting the karmic weight of many family members that came before them and the responsibilities they took on shaping a nation of peoples…
I still get a bit nauseous tuning into it all. I was perpetually clearing and discerning energies of fear, terror, and other nefarious energies and influences. Staying centered in that realm of chaos and supporting others in the ways I do was an incredible amount of psychic work that actually took many years for me to recover and integrate once I shifted out. My personal down time while working was really beautiful … hiking through the forests in Japan, bathing in sacred waters with monkeys in onsens. Visiting the vibrant meat, vegetable and spice markets with the chefs before sunrise in China. I spent hours meditating and painting flowers as a means of grounding in unfamiliar lands and calling in benevolent spirits of support. I also had many beautiful, precious moments with my clients as well as tea ceremonies that blew my mind (rare teas), temple visits, poetry readings.
All of this to say, I saw first-hand and supported humans who were actually, for better or worse, participating directly in creating the very structures we were existing in. Which means I also had a window into the energies that went into creating these structures. Some of my clients were devoted to love and taking responsibility for their energy and what they were creating. Others... were not… to say the least.
I learned alot about discerning who I am willing to stand with and support, and where I direct my energy and power.
But what became more clear to me over the years following was that something was shifting. I was feeling a sort of subterranean fracturing. And I curiously no longer felt drawn to “standing behind” and supporting in the same way. I was bit by bit coming (and continuing) to understand the horizontal influence we can have, the power that comes with taking responsibility for our free will, creative capacity… the integrity required in all of it… As well as the macrocosm playing out on the microcosmic level within (change within changes without). We talk about it. And it sounds corny or grandiose but a truth (that I don’t have better language for at present) that migrated from my chest into my bones.
I’ve been told by those wiser than me since I was a teen that these “unknown” times are coming. But I was only beginning to access my own “knowingness” of what that meant and listen and choose how to stand in it all moment to moment.
I'm writing all of this because what may be of interest to you is that in these times of chaos... in a strange way, for some, the cracks and collapse is “leveling the field” and offering those who want it an opportunity to remember our “royal skin,” our creative capacity, and take responsibility of our reign, our energetic influence… not over others but as expression emanating alongside others. Its a sort of paradoxical invitation to stand in one’s individual seat of power while simultaneously holding the understanding that there is no such thing as an individual… we truly are alone and all one.
“Learn to live raw
until your royal skin grows back”
All of the work I do 1:1 and group is devoted to this dance. Home is of particular interested to me because of my love of beauty, materials and architecture but more importantly because of how the intimate spaces we create both shape and mirror our participation in the collective worlds we build.
While I’m in the unknown alongside you, I’m no newbie to following inner guidance and carving my own unique path in this life (through the terrors and the joys) alongside helpers and kindred creatives. And I am here to encourage and support you in doing the same!
№9: Relational Critters, Sensory Beings, Webs of Belonging
We are relational critters, sensory beings… no matter how much we individualize by living in our heads.
I’ve come to understand I have a somewhat erotic relationship to my homes. When possible, I’ve created spaces that I feel safe to soften in and blend. This creative process of cultivating vibrant spaces of belonging between myself and other (environments, people, objects) is ever evolving…
When I shift into a state of a quiet mind, clear my emotional body, and intentionally soften my boundaries, my sensual relationship to my environment intensifies and I can play with receiving, blending, sourcing and transmuting energy within that connection.
“The mystics never preach a denial of the senses, rather they speak of the transfiguration of the senses. They recognize that there is a certain gravity or darkness in Eros that can sometimes predominate. The light of the soul can transfigure this tendency and bring balance and poise. The beauty of such mystical reflection on Eros reminds us that Eros is ultimately the energy of divine creativity… The beauty of Eros is its passionate thresholds where light and darkness meet within the person.” - John O'Donohue
Intimate relational spaces mirror our internal worlds. Whether that be an environment you create or a third world with another person. If you’ve paid attention to this you’ve noticed when you adjust your internal perspective the external shifts and vice versa. These micro “worlds,” spaces of connection, “kisses” as Carlo Rovelli calls them, are sexual in nature birthing moments that shape our collective reality.
Cultivating or tending to a desire to experience extended presence and pleasure with beauty in your environment has a transmutative effect on the energy within you, outside of you and the world at large.
“Our house is our corner of the world. As has often been said, it is our first universe, a real cosmos in every sense of the word.” – Gaston Bachelard
Learn how to light up your corner of the world. Own the webs you are weaving, the shapes they animate, the versions of you they hold.
№8: Home = a relational space seeded in the heart
Home is where the heart is.
I feel a truth and beauty to this adage whenever I hear it.
And also … what do we mean when we say this?
I think one understanding is that home is not externally reverent. Meaning no matter where you are, if you can stay internally oriented in your heart, in love, which is also an energetic space in your body (your chest, your heartspace)… then you are “home.”
But it doesn’t stop there really. In deeper reflection it suggests that while home is internally reverent it is not solely an internal space but a space that emerges somewhere in the relationship between one’s heart and the external... along the same lines of “I feel at home with this person.” Meaning I feel safe to be in my heart, to be vulnerable and authentic in connection to them. Staying in the mind is a hypervigilant trauma response (even if it’s just low key trauma). Similar to interpersonal relationships, in a home environment your body is in relationship to the environment and if it feels “unsafe” for any reason it will keep you in a hypervigilant headspace vs embodied heartspace.
Relationship and intimacy with an abode is very much like relationship and intimacy with a person. And as we work on our self awareness and relationships consciously, we come to realize vibrant relational spaces require us to engage in the journey of knowing ourselves, owning our uniqueness, needs, desires etc. And yes meeting new friends, partners, and home spaces is sometimes destined and sometimes by chance, perhaps. But also, the more you engage in self inquiry, the more you notice: the “right” person comes at the right time. As one friend falls away, that perfect new friend that mirrors and holds a new expression of yourself just seems to show up in your life exactly when you need her. It’s not by chance though. It is directly correlated to the work you’ve done to stand in yourself more fully.
Moving homes can be similar. An abode feels more like home when your senses are satiated, needs are met, and the fullness of you (at present) is seen and mirrored. You feel “safe” to come down from your head and relax into your soft body, into your heart. And when something external (or internal) pushes you to move homes there is likely a deeper reason at play. One house falls away because you are ready to find home in relationship to a new “house” that is waiting to meet you. And by the way this dwelling has what I like to call a "spatial consciousness" that also evolves, ideally shines, in relationship with you.
So home may be where the heart is, but do you know what environments allow you to soften into your heart?
№7: The Innate Ritual of Beauty
"When repeated, a ritual has more physical and energetic structure, more power to assist the movement and transformation of energy." -Tami Lynn Kent
There’s a tiny voice in me that categorizes beauty as superfluous. “I don’t need it,” it says. “It's expensive, it's extra, it’s a reward to be savored on occasion…” Where this voice comes from? I’m not sure entirely. In this moment, I sense it is a societal voice I internalize because it triggers a rebellious defense that burns bright from my core truth. A voice of opposition that pokes and provokes me to speak and create. Maybe it's my Venus in Aries but I, for better or worse, thrive in contradiction.
What I know in my bones is that beauty has the power to bring us into presence. When I surrender to beauty, even for a second, my body softens, my heart swells, my energy shifts, and that spills out into my environment and to any being next to me. In presence, my mind rests and I can hear the whispers of my heart’s knowingness.
My internalized “beauty as superfluous” voice is also protection from the ways our western culture (now global culture really) has abused beauty to manipulate our attention. And in a way the rejection of beauty has honed my reverence for it. I can’t be manipulated by it’s shine because I don’t need it, if its attached to toxicity. I can source inner beauty, if it comes to it. And that in itself is a sort of power.
But I digress.
Because I’m writing this letter to invite you to add more beauty to your home… (especially in your entryway) knowing there is an innate ritual to it, if you allow. Whenever you walk through or view beauty in your home, simply perceiving it and allowing its magic to influence you, even for a moment, energizes and clears your space. And the repetition of this daily exchange becomes an effortless ritual that strengthens this vibrancy. This is protection, this is rejuvenation, this is sustenance.
In an era of bio-hacking for those who identify strongly with the super-ego, my fellow sensitive siblings attuned to the whispers of the heart know the creative power of a soft ritual.